There are many things people should know before dating a transwoman, and this article here is a fantastic first step. Communicating with people you’re interested in dating, tactfully and well is one of the top ways to learn more about a person’s unique needs, wants, desires, and perspectives. Being proactive in learning what you need to know is also essential.

Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Transwoman

First, know that there are multiple stages in a person’s life. Asking what a person’s pronouns are is respectful, and making sure that you are calling a person by their pronouns is important and a sign that you are aware and being attentive to who they are. These women are aware of the slurs and terms people use for them. While you might see pornstars labeling themselves as trannies, the word tranny is generally not accepted in the world of dating. There may be some women who enjoy this term as dirty talk in the bedroom, though this is a very sensitive topic and one that you should allow them to bring up. Do not use the term tranny, nor other terms like shemale, ladyboy, or femboy unless they bring it up and want you to.

Also, keep in mind that a trans person is not around to be your teacher, whether you are interested in them or not. Some people are non-op, others are pre-op, others are post-op, and while specific questions pertaining to them specifically are generally okay when done tactfully, general questions about terms can make a person feel like they are more dictionary than anything else.

Keep in mind that there are many trans people out there, and some people do fetishize them. Do not over-sexualize transgender people; they are not mystical beings who are always ready to get it on. Be tactful on how you approach people and what you ask, and if you find out a person is trans, continue treating them the way that you were before, particularly if it is respectful, conversational, and genuine.

People who are transwomen sometimes have more facial hair and hair growth, and they can be self-conscious and insecure about it. Don’t bring it up, don’t ask about it, and just be aware that it is a thing. If they bring it up, it can be a topic of respectful and tactful conversation overall.

Being respectful to the other person, no matter who they are can go a long way if you are dating. Some people find that they are only comfortable with certain people in the bedroom, and with a trans person, if this is the case, you will want to move on. If you are not comfortable with yourself and who you are dating or who you love, you might not be ready for a relationship.

Avoiding stereotypes are also essential. While there are some transwomen who are escorts, the majority of them are not. Avoid bigoted remarks, educate yourself, and never imply that a person has a specific job, regardless of their gender. There are other stereotypes as well, so avoid these, as well as other types of comparisons.

Another important thing to avoid is comparison to cisgender women. Avoid utilizing words like “normal” girls and “regular” gurls, as they can come off as being extremely ignorant. No woman wants to feel that there’s something abnormal about her, and words can be impactful.

Another stereotype to avoid pertains to upbringing and education. A high percentage of trans people are well-educated, come from comfortable homes, and are employed in all walks of life. Don’t act surprised when the person you are out on a date with is a normal person, with normal life dreams, a normal upbringing, normal education, or any combination of these things. Everyone has plans for their future, including the person you are on a date with. Be respectful. 

Stereotypes that a particular kind of person is all about sex are also common; like so many things, each person is different in their desires and tastes. If they are not bringing up sex on the first date, don’t bring up sex on the first date yourself. Many people need 2 to 3 dates before they consider kissing, making out, or getting into bed with somebody. Respect people’s boundaries and do not make assumptions about them. That said, before you do have sex, it is important to discuss it. Some pre-op transwomen do not want to have their penis touched, as an example. Oral sex can also need to have some conversations, as well as sex in general. This is normal in regular relationships, and it is normal here as well. Talking it out first is the way to go.

Final Notes

Keep open communication, but do not utilize the person you are interested in as an encyclopedia. They are a person with preferences, though there are some additional types of tact that you will want to research and consider. This article is a fantastic first stop. When in doubt, do some more research and be careful with how you word your questions and your statements. There are many fantastic people out there, and finding one can also be done more easily by utilizing the tools on this website.